What to Do When Your Significant Other has Lied and Admits It

What to Do When Your Significant Other has Lied and Admits It

Just found out that your significant other lied to you? Don't know what to do about it? You're not alone. Although your ego may feel punctured and your faith in all things good has turned to musty grout, consider the following three factors:
There's a reason why we call certain statements "little white lies". If your boyfriend lied about eating that last gorgeous piece of chocolate truffle cake, that's probably not a big deal. Deep down he knows he's a caloric blubberbutt, but he's just too sheepish to admit it. Make him agree that the next time you two go out for dinner, you get to eat your heart's delight while he can only sip tepid water and gnaw on the breadsticks.
On the other hand, if the lie is of a grave nature, such as the commission of a crime or unnecessary exposure to a serious health risk, then it's understandable why you might feel like you just had the wind knocked out of you.
But in such instances, time is of the essence, and responsible, calm behaviour is critical. Move quickly to protect yourself and those who may have innocently been affected by your partner's lie. Deal with your relationship once you're out of harm's way.
And what about infidelity? Well, that certainly isn't a breezy matter. But in order to tackle that issue, it might help to look at the next factor: motive.
So you just found out that your lover is a cheat? Much as you may want blood-thirsty revenge against him or her, the only result will be two wounded hearts and one very cold, lonesome bed.
Why did your significant other do what he or she did? Save yourself the trouble figuring that out. Confront your partner. Listen, and let him or her explain. You might be surprised about what you hear.
Perhaps you'll find out that your partner is an irresponsible, high-maintenance, screaming me-me, in which case why not leave the sandbox and find a nicer playmate. On the other hand, your lover may admit that there's pressure from a person he deeply respects (you?) to be someone else, and he's afraid to be a disappointment. If your lover feels like he or she is being forced to live a lie, then it doesn't take much to commit one, either.
There's a chance, though, that even when confronted you partner may not be able to explain his or her true motives for the betrayal. Looking at oneself squarely in the eye, flaws and all, can be painful and embarrassing. But if your partner is willing to try, and you're willing to trust again, then there might be something worth salvaging.
Perhaps going to couples therapy, meeting with a spiritual guide, or simply setting aside the time to sit down, listen, and focus on one another on a regular basis, will help. Once you know and understand the reasons for your partner's actions, including what instigated the betrayal, then you'll have a better idea of where you stand in the relationship.
Okay, okay. You've dissected the lie and the underlying reason(s) for it into pieces smaller than leptons, and you need to know what to do now.
How about considering whether you and your partner love each other (still)? Whether both of you still want the relationship and are willing to make it work? You'll need to look at whether there's sufficient willingness to earn (the partner's challenge) and build up (your challenge) trust to foster open, honest communication, new parameters, and most importantly, the faith and encouragement to allow your relationship, you, and your partner to evolve at whatever pace is required. (Hint: if your partner voluntarily confessed about the lie, it may have been his or her way (however feeble) to let you know that he or she wants to rework the relationship).
Don't fret if you don't know what to do yet, or are still as angry and confused as ever before. You've been though a lot, and right now maybe all you can do is to give yourself some time until your sure about what it is that YOU want. That's okay. Just know that whether you decide to strike out on your own, or to reconnect with your partner, there is no right or wrong solution.